Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
