So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
