i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
