Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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