she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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