how can u be prego again
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
