He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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