so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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