apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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