Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
