Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
