he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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