my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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