I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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