In the future we'll all be gay
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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