sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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