So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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