Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
