I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someone shattered a urinal.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
