Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
