Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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