If that was your dad, he is hot
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
