he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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