Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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