I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize