I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
