I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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