I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
