Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm passing your future prison.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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