I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
