apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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