i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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