She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
