It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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