someone threw a dead crab at me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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