where am i from again
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
