I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
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Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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