we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize