he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
