Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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