I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
