Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
