Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
