I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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