508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
