We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
