so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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