Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
