Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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