I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
