bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
