you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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