she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
