dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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