So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
