I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
