the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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