dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
