she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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