is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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