I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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