I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize