left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
